The Great Wonder Of A MarySue
by dement
Summary: It's probably been done before, it's being done again. Oh, and Neville 'saves' the world. Hooray. R&R Please.


AN: I think it was reading a Mary-Sue parody that inspired this...  
  
Oh, and I can safely say, I've never read a Harry Potter Mary-Sue story. And I don't want to.  
  
**Disclaimer:** I own Angel Cuteness Lady. That's it. But you can have her. Take her. Please. I don't want it!  
  
**Summary:** It's been done before, it's being done again. Oh, and Neville saves the world.  
  
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**The Great Wonder, Mary Sue**  
  
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It was a fine day, the sun was shining, birds were singing and the students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were waking up at the beginning of another eventful school day.  
  
A loud crash interrupted the groans of teens as they realised they had to get up, and then there was a scream.  
  
"ARGH! Get it _off_ me!" Ah, yes. The awfully girlish scream of sixteen year old Draco Malfoy. (AN: I have nothing against him. Don't kill me.)  
  
Said boy proceeded to dumb the heap onto the floor, where it twitched, before slowly getting to it's feet.  
  
Before the young Slytherin stood the most beautiful woman any man could lay their eyes upon. A petite young girl, around five foot three inches, with shoulder length silver locks, with azure streaks. Her emerald green eyes widened in surprise, she took a step forward.  
  
"May I ask you where I am?"  
  
And her voice! Like sugar and honey, so sweet yet so soft!  
  
"Urg...H-h-hogwarts School of W-witchcraft and W-w-wizardry..." He stuttered, in awe at her beauty.  
  
She sent him a dazzling smile, and Draco was blinded by the sheer whiteness of her sparkly teeth. As he hit the floor, he wondered why nobody else in his dorm had been woken up yet.  
  
The girl walked out of the Slytherin common room, the boys staring after her with looks of love, and vowed to be better people. The girls whispered about her greatness. As she walked down the corridors, the same thing happened, girls walked over to her and begged her to be their friend, and the boys left trails of drool after them. None of the teachers seemed to be all that bothered by the fact that a new, perfect girl had arrived. Oh well.  
  
Reaching the Great Hall, she brushed her long, chocolate curls behind her ears, hazel eyes staring in wonder.  
  
She sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Hermione Granger, facing Ron Weasley and Harry Potter.  
  
"Oh! Such a fair, beautiful lady! What, pray tell, is your name?" Harry asked, in a daze. Ron was thinking enough sappy thoughts to write fifty three romance novels and a hundred and ninety six love poems, each story and sonnet titled 'Ode To The Most Beautiful Maiden'.  
  
"My name is Angel Cuteness Lady, and you are Harry Potter! I am your long lost sister who doesn't share your surname or looks! My parents were killed by Voldemort, but that has inspired me to become the best and happiest person I can!" She smiled. Harry wiped a tear from his eye at this tale, which made no sense, but who really cares?  
  
"Oh, Angel Cuteness Lady, please be my friend!" Hermione said, her eyes shining with hope.  
  
"Of course, Hermione Granger! I am the girl who is smarter than you! Of course I'll help you with your homework!" Angel answered.  
  
"Angel Cuteness Lady! Marry me!" Ron shouted, not caring that Hermione was his girlfriend at that current moment in time. Apparently, she didn't care either.  
  
"Of course, Ron, my one true love who I don't know yet, I shall marry you for you have little money, and we shall repopulate the world with caring, loving children!" She exclaimed.  
  
But! There was one person who didn't fall for the charms of the girl. Neville Longbottom, who had just had breakfast before Angel Cuteness Lady arrived, threw up at the display before him.  
  
And so, because every story needs a villain, Voldemort suddenly burst into the Hogwarts with an army of Death Eaters. Because he can. So there.  
  
"There she is! The small girl with strawberry blonde hair in pigtails! The one with eyes as grey as... an overcast sky! Get her!" Voldemort yelled.  
  
"But... I thought we came here to kill Harry Potter, sir?" Lucius Malfoy questioned, looking puzzled.  
  
"Harry Potter? Who cares about him?" Voldemort answered. "For Angel Cuteness Lady... is my daughter!"  
  
Dun dun dun! Raise your hands if you saw that one coming.  
  
"... a daughter?" It appeared nobody really wanted to know how Voldemort got a girlfriend or wife, let alone have a daughter. Many of his braver Death Eaters would be scarred for life at thoughts of their boss's sex life. Eww!  
  
"No! It isn't true! You killed my father!" She cried, holding up her hand and, with one magic blast, she destroyed Voldemort and his Death Eaters, something even the great Harry Potter could not do, before falling to the floor, dead. This wasn't because of using up all her energy. No, Neville had crept up behind her and stabbed her with a fork, proving that even all powerful beings can be easily killed.  
  
And so, the rest of the school woke up from their Angel Cuteness Lady worshipping, they saw her dead body, the dead bodies of the Dark Lord and his minions, and Neville stood on a table holding a bloody fork.  
  
"Neville..." Harry said in awe. "You saved the wizarding world from destruction!"  
  
And so, Neville lived the life of a hero, got rich, married some random witch and was remembered for all of eternity.  
  
Yeah.  
  
**THE END.**  
  
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Hooray, it's over. Yeah, the ending was crap, but hey!  
  
Review please. 


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